


waves and the wild

by Kt_fairy



Series: Mountains [2]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Anal Sex, Communication, Dissociation, Found Family, Gender Issues, Genderfluid Character, M/M, Obsessive-Compulsive, Recreational Drug Use, Semi-Public Sex, the ocean is a very clumsy metaphor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-15 10:03:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10554460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kt_fairy/pseuds/Kt_fairy
Summary: The air was fresh and thick, a hint of salt tickling his nose as he made his way down to where the beach started, digging his toes into the blood warm sand, closing his eyes and letting the throaty hush and rush of the Atlantic lull him for a moment, finding himself rocking gently backwards and forwards to the rhythm of the waves.Not once had the ocean ever cared that sometimes the Dex pulling lobsters out of her was not really feeling like a boy that day, the squall’s that came on so quickly in the spring were as bothered by your gender as they were the size of your boat. The cool waves that once washed over his throbbing feet never judged sixteen year old Billy P when he had counted steps until they were blistered and aching, desperate to find the right number to make everything okay.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I dig my genderfluid/queer son Dexy P and love to indulge myself, so here this is. (written before Ford or the 3.17 update so let me live.)

 

 

 That the Nurse’s had a beach house out in Rhode Island was not a surprise, what was a surprise was that it took almost three years for this fact to come up. “Yeah, so. Spring break? My parents are gonna be out the country so our beach house will be empty if you guys wanna come down or whatever?”

 The kitchen table had gone silent, a feat in itself seeing as Shitty AND Ransom and Holster were visiting from Boston, all eyes slowly turning to Nursey where he had been casually trying very hard not to spill his glass of water down his front as he sipped it.

“Beach house?” Ransom had asked carefully.

“Yeah out in Rhode Island. It’s my Uncle’s really but he’s back in Trinidad now so...”

“You had a beach house all this time and said nothing.” Holster had breathed, tears welling in his eyes as he looked at Nursey like he had just said Ransom was not the most beautiful man on the east coast. “All those times we could have gone had beach Kegsters, all those Ivy League girls using their daddies beach house! All that potential!” He had said mournfully, shaking his head when Ransom had patted his shoulder consolingly.

“The dude went to school with me and you all know my dad has a fucking tasteless beach house.” Shitty had pointed out as he neatly wiped pasta sauce from his moustache.

“That doesn’t HELP SHITS!”

“It won’t be a proper beach like I have down the road from my house. In Cali.” Chris had said sagely, eyes glinting with mischief as he succeeded in winding Holster up.

 That had lead to all the predictable SMH shouting and dramatics, Will and Whiskey quietly finishing their pasta before raiding the basket of garlic bread while they watched it all unfold.

 

                                                                                            _X_

 Everyone free for that spring break travelled down split between Lardo’s van and Nursey’s BMW coupé - because of course that was what he drove. Will liked the car, it was beautifully designed and the engine was a joy to tune, but it was also a two door and Will’s long legs were cramping after just forty minutes of having his seat pulled forward to leave enough room for Bitty and Whiskey in the back. “This car is ridiculous.” Will had complained after he had to shift in his seat for the tenth time, Nursey’s hand not moving from where it rested on his bare thigh.

“I was looking at getting a second hand SUV…”

“You got this for being valedictorian at fucking Andover you can’t just get rid of it!”

“I won’t get rid of it.” Nursey assured, used to Will’s grumpy contrariness by now, squeezing his leg as he teased, “I need something fancy to take you around in don’t I?”

“Oh my god.”

“Foooine.” Bitty sung from the back seat, laughing through his protests when Will threatened to push his seat back and squish him.

                       

                                                                                           _X_  

 The beach house was not how Will imagined it would look, he was kind of expecting some sort of McMansion like Taylor Swift had or something (not that he payed all that much attention to celeb news you understand), with several floors and a massive ass gated driveway. But it really it was just a very large, immaculately kept house in a quiet neighbourhood a little ways outside Newport.

 It was set just back from the beach and separated from the other houses on either side by wide expanses of grass that was lush and green like it always tended to be near the sea. The building itself was made of freshly painted white clapboard with green window frames and gables, a porch running along the side where the front door was and there was a deck out back sheltered from the sea by the house. It looked like it should be on a tourist office advert and Will loved it a little bit.

“Well isn’t that just cute as heck.” Bitty observed when he crawled out of the car, shielding his eyes from the sun as he looked up at it.

“If you’re going to tell us all about the Zimmermann’s beach house I’m fining you.” Whiskey muttered as he unfolded himself from the back seat, sounding as crabby as he ever did these days.

 Bitty pursed his lips for a moment, giving away that he had just been about to launch into a tale from his holiday last summer with the Zimmermann’s in Cancun and Will had to laugh because Shit, he was gonna be that guy one day.

 The house smelt fresh and clean like it had been recently aired, the curtains open to let in the sunlight, sweet smelling flowers overflowing in their vases and fruit was piled high in the bowl on the island so someone had been around to make it feel welcoming. The high ceilings, chic minimal furnishing, and open plan ground floor made it incredibly bright inside, peaceful like his cluttered family home was not, and Will almost wished it was just him and Nursey here for the week.

 He dumped their bags in the master bedroom and while Nursey was getting everyone settled he slipped out the front door and down the steps to cross the grass that was cool and soft beneath his feet. The warm breeze had a cool bite to it like it did back in Maine on early summer evenings, goosebumps prickling over the delicate skin at the top of Will’s thighs beneath the hem of his adidas t-shirt dress but he ignored it, he was used to much worse than a cold Atlantic nip in the breeze.

  The air was fresh and thick, a hint of salt tickling his nose as he made his way down to where the beach started, digging his toes into the blood warm sand, closing his eyes and letting the throaty hush and rush of the Atlantic lull him for a moment, finding himself rocking gently backwards and forwards to the rhythm of the waves.

 Not once had the ocean ever cared that sometimes this particular Poindexter pulling lobsters out of her was not really feeling like a boy that day, the squall’s that came on so quickly in the spring  as bothered by your gender as they were the size of your boat. The cool waves that once washed over his throbbing feet never judged sixteen year old Billy P when he had counted steps until they were blistered and aching, desperate to find the right number to make everything okay.

 Will knew that the uncaring nature of the sea terrified some people but it was that part of her nature that had always comforted him.

 The sand was soft, a few stray, smooth pebbles pressing into his feet as he strode towards the water, pulling the clip from his bangs to let the sea breeze blow his hair back off his face as the surf slipped around his ankles.

 Thumps and the chatter of voices disturbed his peace but he knew it would be broken eventually, smiling to himself as he picked up snatches of Lardo’s drawl, Bitty’s tinkling laugh, Shitty’s excited tone, the smooth rumble of Nursey’s voice.

 Movement beside him made will look around and he was surprised and pleased to find Whiskey at his side. Will knew that the SMH could be a bit much - he was self aware enough to know his awkward irritability helped towards that - and he totally got why it took so long for Whiskey to warm to them. What he did not get was why he seemed to warm to Will and Ollie first out of all the older guys but hey, who was he to question it? He was in love with the most annoying guy in the world.

“Aren’t you cold?” Whiskey grunted, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Used to it. You bring a jumper?”

“Yeah, no worries.”

“You need another you can borrow one of mine.”

Whiskey shot a small smile up at him. “Thanks team parent.” There was a chorus of yells behind them and Whiskey rolled his eyes. “At least the early mornings will be quiet.”

“Don’t lie Santi, you’ll be drooling into your pillow at midday like the rest of us.” He sensed someone running at him, a skill learnt from spending summers in a whole brood of rough and tumble cousins, and shifted to the side just in time for Shitty to flail past him and stumble into the sea, Chris almost taking him down into the waves as he tried to dodge running straight into Will, Cait and Lardo tearing into the waves on the other side of Whiskey.

 There was some shoving and yelling and splashing in retribution for the foiled bundling, Lardo tearing off with Chris and Whiskey in pursuit after trying to dunk them, Ollie and Bitty carefully making their way out to where Shitty and Cait were up to her thighs freaking out about the fish swimming around their feet.

 A big warm hand fitted into the dip of his waist, a solid arm against his back and Will leant into the warm body next to him, smiling when he felt lips press into his hair. “You already smell of the sea babe.”

 Will brushed his chilled nose over a stubbled cheek. “Once I get in the sea I’ll taste of it too.”

“You are trouble Poindexter.”

 He twisted to peer up at Nursey who was looking very romantic. His perfect curls being tousled by the breeze, dark golden skin in lovely contrast to the blue of the sky his sure features were in elegant profile against as he looked out towards the horizon, still and sure and, it seemed, contented.

 Will had never not been struck by how good-looking Nursey was, it was as natural to him as breathing, and yet now, in this moment, he was the most beautiful thing Will had ever seen.

“You love it.” Will grinned softly, slipping their fingers together as he stepped out of Nursey’s arms and pulled him further into the surf.

 

                                                                                           _X_

 “So last night was fun!” Cait announced as she skipped up onto a rock, hands on her hips and looking proud of herself for the hickey Chris was sporting, innocent smile turning into a leer when Will flushed up to his ears and Chris squawked.

“Babe!”

“We’re all adults here, and at least we tried to be quiet unlike someone here, in this location, with red hair...”

“Why are you shaming me like this?” Will grumbled as he joined her on her rock, peering down into the network of rock pools at their feet, smiling at the memory of Nursey’s warm hands stripping him down and his solid body pressing Will into the bed, the moonlight slanting across Nursey's skin and turning him silver while they rubbed off against one another.

“Because you’re cute when you blush.”

“Chris! Your girlfriend is hitting on me!”

“You wish she was.” Chris muttered as he climbed up another rock and hopped down next to one of the shallower pools. “I hope there’s starfish. Starfish are amazing.”

“There will be like, a billion starfish.” Will said as he went to join him, the three of them scrambling and jumping between the pools with the practised ease of kids who grew up next to the sea.

“We should have bought a bucket to show the guys some stuff we found.” Cait said, crouching down by a pool and poking some seaweed out of the way with a stick.

“Then they’ll all want to come up here.” Will sighed, considering how to climb over a particularly large seaweed covered boulder, the sharp smell of it making his eyes water.

“Why’s that so bad?”

“Can you imagine Nursey on these rocks?” Chris laughed, looking serious when Will shot him a look, and then laughing again when Will smiled.

“He would become a creature of the rock pool. We’d have to tie him between us.”

“Sounds kinky!” Cait muttered from where she was squatting.

“What the fuck has gotten into you? Don’t even - just don’t speak we all know what I walked into there let’s just leave it.”

 She grinned up at him, unrepentant, before straightening to watch as Chris and Will pushed and pulled themselves to the top of the boulder and somehow managed not to slip straight down the other side.

“Why don’t you want everyone here?” Chris asked after they had taken a moment to look up the coast from their vantage point, a lighthouse just visible on a little rocky peninsula jutting out in the distance, the few waves running along the surface of the otherwise calm sea as the current picked up.

“I always felt like exploring should be with the least amount of people, then you can appreciate it more.” Will shrugged. “I like having things that are for me, little secret places only a few people know about, memories shared between a few people.” He opened his arms to indicate himself and the floral shorts and SMH t-shirt he was wearing. “Like all this used to be.”

 Chris gave him a complicated look. “Do you care about us all knowing? Would you rather it was just still you and Cait?”

“I miss just hanging around with Cait and us having our own thing, but this is me - it’s not a secret, an' I want the people I love to know me, ya’know?”

 Chris slung an arm around him and they almost toppled over. “So was that what last night was, letting us know you love some of that good Nursey dick?”

 Will gave him the driest look he could muster, pulling his hat down further over his eyes to stop the glare of the sun as he watched Cait make her way to the other side of the bank of rock pools, trying not to blush because he knew how Chris would take it when really he was blushing because he had not got ‘that good Nursey dick’. Not that he was ever going to speak those words out loud. Ever. Even under pain of death.

 

 They had tried, but it had not gone well from the moment Will, who was still becoming used to realising and accepting what his body wanted, had idly thought one morning while brushing his teeth that he might like Nursey to fuck him. He had panicked, getting caught up in trying to work out what that meant about his still evolving identity; the binary way he had been brought up to see relationships told him that someone had to ‘be the woman’, but just because he was not a boy did not mean that he was a woman, and wanting this would make him the woman, right? He had got himself into such a state he had almost rubbed his hands raw on his jeans before Cait had found him and calmed him. Once the crisis was over he had looked at this long ignored sexual part of himself and accepted it like he had learnt to accept all of him.

 But looking back Will knew he had not really accepted it. Talking it all over with the more experienced Nursey was supposed to smooth over all worries and put them both on the same page but he had still been unsettled when Nursey had slipped into him. He had tried to push through because self destruction came all too easily but Nursey had ignored him and stopped. They had not tried again, had barely talked about it, mainly because Will had been mortified and, shockingly, Head Button Pusher™ Derek Nurse did actually know when to give someone space.

 But Will did not get where he was today by giving up after every time he stumbled. He had not been put off, he still wanted, it was just bringing that up so they could _talk_ about it that was the hurdle now. Healthy communication was all well and good when you weren’t a monosyllabic boatyard boy from Maine.

 

“Did you really just say that to me while we’re on top of the slipperiest rock in the world?”

“You can’t hurt me.” Chris grinned. “Not only am I the best goalie in the NCAA **but** I’m also your best friend that you love.”

 Will sighed. “I don’t know why you’re acting like you’ve never heard me have sex before, the walls in the Haus are mad thin.”

 Chris was silent for a moment. “Does that mean Lardo would have heard…?”

“Yep.” Will said, feeling vindicated as Chris looked out at the sea in horror. “Okay, enough of this weird ass conversation. Let’s look for starfish.” He made to get off the boulder but Chris stopped him, slipping down the side before holding his hands out to Will.

“What?”

“I’m helping you down.”

“I don’t need you helping me down!”

“You wanna ruin those fancy Hollister booty shorts?”

“They are _not_ booty shorts!”

“They are and that’s why Nursey bought them.”

 Will wanted to argue, to slide down and get seaweed gunk all over his butt just to be petty, but he bit his tongue when he looked down at Chris’ face. Everyone showed their support in different ways - Whiskey and Tango bro-ing it up at Kegsters in case anyone (the football team) started shit, Bitty sticking shiny stickers all over the back of his helmet, and sometimes Chris would treat Will like he was not as big and strong and scrappy as he was.

 From anyone else Will would take it as condescension but this was Chris, so Will gripped his wide shoulders and let Chris put his hands on his waist to take his weight as he hopped down onto the smooth rocks below.

“What a gentleman!” Cait cooed, loudly, and pretended to swoon.

“Have you found any starfish yet?” Chris called back as they began making their way over to her.

“A whole bunch, didn’t want to disturb your little love in.”

“He is sexy Dexy.”

“Both of you are banned from ever speaking to me again.”

 Cait wrapped an arm around Chris and pecked kisses onto his lips while Will squatted down by the edge of the pool, looking at the brown and yellow starfish sat peacefully on one of the algae covered rocks under the clear sea water.

 He remembered his uncle holding one in his hand for Will to touch when he was a little kid, remembered the synthetic material of his sister’s Ariel dress he was wearing scratching the palm of his hand as he clutched the skirt in his tiny fist, stroking down one arm as gently as he could and ripping his hand back because it was weird and squishy, his uncle laughing and ruffling his hair as he turned to Will's cousin.

 Will put his hand in the cold water and gently touched the point of one of the arms, drawing his hand back at the same time as the starfish pulled away.

 Still weird and squishy, but this time the soft skin of his bony knee was against his palm, and he felt bad for disturbing the starfish as it slowly made its way deeper into the pool.

 

                                                                                          _X_

“So, Dexington the third...”

“I thought I was Dexington the second?”

 Lardo sighed, her not so light body flopping down across Cait’s legs so her head was in Dex’s lap. “Numbers are a social construct, aren’t they Farms?”

“They are.” Cait assured, smiling as Dex as he shot her a look.

“So Dexington the third, ” Lardo started again, “inspired by the skills of our dearly departed captain Jay-Zed I’m putting some photography into my Masters porfolio, gotta step it up for the Museum of Fine Arts School, and I need you,” she reached up and poked Dex under the chin, “you beautiful freckly fucker, to be a part of it.”

“What do you want me to do?” He asked, looking skeptical.

“Move where I tell you and sit still while I take pictures.”

“Of me?”

 Lardo stared up at Cait and slowly blinked at her, looking like one more dumb boy being dumb would make her soul leave her body. “Yes Dex, I want to photograph you. It’s why I am here, in your lap.”

“You should do Nursey’s he’s the photogenic one.”

“He is,” Lardo said cdryly, “but I do not need him to fulfil my vision, I need your beautiful fucking face.” She explained with an expansive gesture of her hand

 Dex glanced at Cait then back down at Lardo. “‘Cause I’m…”

“Genderfluid and present this cute ass androgynous look most of the time - yes.” She said directly, levering herself just enough out of Dex’s lap to poke at the short hairs peaking out by his left ear of what he claimed was not an undercut but totally was. “If you don’t want too that’s cool, I won’t make you Dexington, I just have idea’s an' a huge soft freckled hockey players who love the sea are not that easy to find.”

 Dex snorted derisively. “What does loving the sea have anything to do with taking a photo?”

“You are such a philistine.” Cait muttered. “It’s about your honest expressions.”

 Dex looked between the two of them, the bright clear sunlight streaming through the open doors catching in his eyes and turning them the palest shade of gold. Cait was a lucky woman; she lived with a bunch smart, beautiful, athletic ladies while dating a wonderful, smart, beautiful, athletic man, and could count his strange, beautiful friends as her friends.

“I’m not comfortable in front of camera’s.” Dex admitted as if the fact had not been picked up by everyone within a week of meeting him.

“If I get just one or two of looking comfortable amongst all the others that’ll make me look good Dex.” Lardo said softly, fidgeting around so she could sit up on Cait’s lap to look at him. “I won’t pester you if you say no. And if you say yes you’ll have final say on what I use.”

“What do you have in mind?” 

“Well I was totes inspired by this new centered stillness about you and I would like to take advantage of our location. So I want to start with you standing on the beach all solitary and thoughtful and we’ll go from there. I’d like lots of white in the waves, got a butt load of scarves and shit to drape on you and be all artsy and junk. Ideally I’d want you naked by those booty shorts will do.”

 Dex flushed bright red, looking taken aback for a moment before he scowled. “They’re _not_ booty shorts. And If you want lots of spray we should go by the rocks.”

 Lardo leant forward, bony butt digging into Cait’s thigh. “That a yes?” Dex nodded while looking like he was surprised that he was and Lardo leapt up. “Come on Cait, you can help carry my shit.”

“Oh can I now?”

“Yep, I want some of your exquisite-ness too!” Lardo called as she headed upstairs, leaving the two of them sat quietly on the couch.

“...If you take naked one’s I won’t look.”

“Oh my god shut up.”

  Cait ended up with the sea around her calves, standing behind Lardo holding up a softbox light and acting as something for her to brace against when the incoming waves jostled her, chattering over the noise of the sea to relax Dex. She watched his shoulders drop and a small smile tug at his mouth as she recounted the tale of how the SWV hit three volleyballs into the rafters of the sports hall and the shit they pulled to get them down.

 He was a streak of reds against the churning blue of the ocean, flecks of spray decorating his skin alongside his freckles, longer wavy red hair being blown forward onto his face as the fabric Lardo had draped around his body billowed out and hid most of his form so that you could not quite tell, just from the soft angles of his face and the line of his shoulders, just what this person was.

 It made something swell in her chest when she saw it, really saw it, not just the softness and contentment she had watched grow from the moment he had stood awkwardly in Chris’ room and was brave enough to ask her for help. She recognised in him the secure sense of self that she had never really been aware of in herself before she realised it had once been missing from Dex.

 He looked peaceful and happy and beautiful and Cait thought of Chris, her beautiful, wonderful Chris who made her heart ache sometimes she loved him so much, thought of how happy she was to stand in the sea listening to it crash against the rocks, to the clack clack of Lardo’s shutter, to the murmur from further up the beach from the rest of the guys who were pretending that they weren’t being nosey.

“Hey Dex.” Cait said, blinking sea water out of her eyes as Dex glanced up at her. “I see it. I see you.” She said, hoping that made sense to him and judging from the way he smiled at her it did.

 

                                                                                          _X_

 The thick white smoke swirled lazily up to the stars for a moment, the fire light catching it and turning it into wisps of gold before the breeze caught it and made it fade away into the night.

 He held out his water pipe - fancy he knew but easier on his lungs, plus the green glass matched his eyes and Derek never pretended to not be a little bit vain - and someone took it off him. They were all hanging out on the sand that was still warm from the sunshine, huddled near enough to the fire to keep the cool sea breeze at bay but not close enough for it to burn, Ollie and Bitty making s’mores while everyone else smoked or drank, conversations a constant light hum over the crackle of the fire and the huff and sigh and rush of the ocean.

 Derek's tongue felt pleasantly heavy, like his limbs, and a comfortable buzz was starting to set in. They were smoking a variety of weed that was not as smooth as he usually liked but Shitty had offered to hit them up and Derek had not been brought up to be ungrateful. It made his mouth feel dry so he plucked the bottle out of Dex’s fingers and took a swig of the sharp hard cider, the tartness making him more aware of his dry throat so he took another before slotting it back into Dex’s hand.

 He was beautiful, look at him, laying out on the sand and bathed in the firelight, half his face gaunt with shadows and half burning gold, the flicker catching in the wave of his hair and making his eyes glow. And shit, the dip of his collar bone, Derek fucking loved that, and the freckles disappearing down underneath his top that was so loose and thin it was indecent, the bumps and divots of his body more obvious than if he had been shirtless, and Derek got distracted for a little while thinking about that.

“How fucking high are you?” Dex’s voice, the vowels heading more towards Maine, broke Derek out of his revelry and he smiled down at him.

“Pleasantly so. Just taking my time looking at you.” Despite the firelight Dex visibly blushed. “What are you doing?”

“Looking at you drinking my cider.”

“Was it a nice view?”

“Beautiful.”

“Dam right it was.” Derek grinned as Dex gave him a gently put upon look.

“You two are wicked cute. If I was still on the team I’d have made serious fucking coin for the bin outta you two adorable little butt nuggets.” Shitty said, voice slightly too loud as he handed the piece back to Derek, his eyes very red, but Shitty always did go too hard.

“We’re soft as FUCK.” Dex said, sounding a proud of himself, then looked up at Derek. “Mostly.”

 It made Derek laugh around the pipe, choking a little on the smoke that was already halfway to his lungs. “Fine!” Lardo’s voice called out a little late, she was going one for one with Shitty, and Derek opened his mouth to protest but Dex’s hand on his knee made him forget about it.

“Softest human in the world.” Derek murmured, brushing his fingers over Dex’s knuckles as he held up the piece, “You want some?” Dex did not really smoke weed but was more than happy to keep you company in his own solitary social way if you were lighting up. Every so often he might take a hit, maybe two, and of course there had been that one time he'd had an edible and had stared at a knot in the wooden floor of the Haus for half an hour until he passed out for half the evening. 

 Dex looked at him for what was probably not as long as Derek felt, worrying his soft bottom lip with his teeth before nodding slightly, making to sit up until Derek put a hand on his shoulder to keep him down.

 Eyes warmer than the fire watched him as he fished his lighter out of his pocket and re-lit, taking a deep breath before leaning down, Dex opening his lips obediently as Derek kissed him, breathing the fragrant smoke into his mouth then following it with his tongue to taste it along with the sharpness of the cider and the sweetness of the s’more he had eaten. Derek pulled back to let Dex breathe out before pressing another kiss to his lips.

“Fun?”

“Yeah.” Dex murmured as he shifted slightly, bringing his knee’s up so he could dig his painted toes into the sand which was...fuck. “Do it again.”

 Derek laughed, “Pushy fucker.” but he took another hit, handing it off to Chris as he ducked down to kiss Dex again, running his now free hand up over Dex’s hip to push up his top just enough to fit his palm against the line of his hipbone. His clothes could be soft and pretty when Dex wanted, but he was always softer, always prettier, and Derek wanted to sink into him, to envelop him, to never not touch him or kiss him again in his life. But that was a lot of feelings to have, and his ribcage could only hold so much, so instead he pressed the palm of his hand against Dex’s hip bone and covered his mouth in kisses.

 A warm hand on his shoulder pushed Derek away with gentle pressure and he looked down at Dex who was giving him a small smile, pupils blown from more than just the weed and Derek found himself missing every fleck of gold in his irises.

“You’re ridiculous.” Dex murmured in response to what Derek must have said outloud, resting his hand over Derek’s to keep it pressed against the warmth of his hip when he made to pull it away. “Cuddle me until there’s more s'mores.”

 It was not often that he got held, being a big black hockey player got expectations put on you that were never fun for you when you broke them, but Dex’s arms never had expectations. He would as easily shift so Derek’s knee’s could fit behind his as he would press his forehead into the base of Derek’s neck, holding him tightly when Derek had woken up too lonely to breathe and needed a heartbeat against his skin so he could bare to exist that day. He curled into Dex’s side, happily pressing the softness of his cheek into Dex’s bony shoulder as a long arm wrapped around him, pulling him in close to the constant warmth of Dex that reminded him how cold the rest of the world was right now.

                                       

                                                                                           _X_

 Will tipped his face up into the warm afternoon sun, breathing deep to try and smell something other than sunscreen, barely twisting his hips so the soft fabric of his light blue (periwinkle according to Lardo) summer dress brushed over his thighs. He sighed and closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth and the softness and the solid weight of Nursey’s broad hand in his, wishing he could feel the grass under his toes - it was weird to be wearing shoes after three day’s barefoot on rocks, grass, and sand, lifting a foot to run the heel over the strap of his sandal that was pressing into the soft skin between his toes, more annoyance than hurt.

 He had not been paying attention to the talking going on at the front of their group, he did not really care about grape types or the soil or any of the stuff that was fascinating Bitty and holding the other’s interest so had let the man, Richard’s, voice lull over him as he listened to the birds and enjoyed the peace.

 He was not having a bad time, the construction of the huge copper fermentation vats at the Vineyard had been fascinating and he appreciated the little talk about the seasoning of the wooden wine barrels. There would also be wine tasting and food later so he was more than prepared to wait through all of this. Plus Nursey had been at his side the whole time looking at him adoringly, hardly letting go of his hand once. Their hands were sweaty and Will wanted to wipe his hand on his skirt but he did not want to let go either.

“Are you sandals hurting you?” Nursey’s warm voice whispered close to his ear, breaking Will from his reverie and almost making him jump.

“Nah, they just feel weird after being barefoot for like, five days.”

Nursey frowned, popping his sunglasses onto the top of his hat as he looked  at Will’s pale feet for a moment before dropping into a crouch in front of him, Will looking down at him stunned while the burning under his skin travelled from his chest to his cheeks.

“You have flowers on your toes.” Nursey observed quietly as he slipped a finger under the strap of the sandal and moved it slightly to lay against another part of Will’s skin, the brush of slightly rough warmth making Will stir in his briefs and he pulled his foot back slightly so he did not chub in a field full of holidaymakers.

“Lardo did them.” He explained, pushing his sunglasses up so he could look into Nursey’s pale green eyes smiling up at him.

“S’at better?”

“Yeah.”

 Nursey stood up and threaded their fingers back together, pulling his sunglasses off his hat but not putting them back on. “Those glasses suit you but I miss your eyes when you’re wearing them.”

 Will made a gagging sound and flicked the Chanel sunglasses Nursey’s aunt had left in the house as a _spare_ back down. “That’s gay.”

“Good thing I’m gay then.”

“You’re whaaaaat?” Will murmured, knocking their shoulders together as they both sniggered.

 It was then he noticed people looking, Will glancing up to find Ollie smirking at them, winking before turning back to the people giving the tour who had not stopped speaking but were looking at them and Will wanted to disappear into the suddenly claustrophobic vines on either side of him.

 Being out dressed like this in Samwell was one thing, even with him being a Hockey Player he had not garnered much of a reaction - a few LAX bro’s had even complimented him once in the dining hall which had been a surprise, Chris shooting them unsure glares all through dinner as he had tried to work out what just happened. But going out to a Falcs game in Boston in his favourite silky pants with the bow and polar-neck combo had taken more bravery than Will had expected. He had got some double takes which he had expected but nothing more, which was probably because half a NCAA hockey team had been with him but Will took it as the victory it was.

 He was glad they were all here today as well, glad for Whiskey’s dry presense and Ollie’s jock-ness, an extra buffer against a society that did not like things escaping the neat boxes it had made for everything.

 He had gone around the whole Vineyard keeping a low profile because even though he felt good and light and at peace like this he had never liked people looking at him, it made it all the clearer to him that this display of his self was a performance he had to get just right for other people to accept him. He wanted to blend into the background even more and he hated it. He did not want to hide, he was not ashamed, but that vicious little voice in his head whispered with clear relish, _they think you’re a freak._

 He itched in his skin, feeling prickly and hyper-aware of his own body as the talk went on, it was only as their group made their way up between the vines towards the main building to finally drink some fucking wine that he began to feel calmer.

“Was that too much?” Nursey asked quietly, slowing his pace so they fell even more off the back of the main group.

“Maybe”

“I’m sorry.”

 Will squeezed his hand. “Don’t you ever be sorry for being an attentive, loving boyfriend.” He whispered with more fierceness in his voice than he expected, glancing up to see Nursey smiling with a faint blush high on his cheekbones.

“Attentive.” He repeated. “I’m used to being called overbearing and suffocating.”

“You’re both those things when you’re being a little shit.” Will muttered and Nursey laughed, the sound making him smile, swinging their hands between them. “I just...I want to believe I’ll be tough enough to take it if I get a bad reaction, or abuse or whatever but I don’t know an' I don’t wanna find out. I’m not that confident.”

“I hope you never find out either, but if you do I’ll have your back, and so will everyone here. Shit, C’s so desperate to get in a fight on ice you’ll have to watch he doesn’t start one off ice.”

“He considered it when a LAX bro complimented me.”

“A what! When did that happen! What did he say?”

“Jealous?”

 Nursey looped their joined hands over Will’s head so they bumped on his hip, his arm across his chest and Nursey’s pressed against his back as he was pulled into his side. “Only when I’m not there.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“And you’re hot.”

“No you’re hot."

“Yeah I know.”

“Vanity of vanities. All is vanity!”

 Nursey let him go when they got to the main building where the wine tasting (hellz yeah) would be, hand resting lightly on his lower back as they stepped into the sudden cold of the air conditioned interior, Will blinking to get his eyes adjusted to the brightness of the unnatural lights.

“Dexy.” Someone called and he turned to see Lardo and Cait waiving glasses at him. “Free wine!”

“It’s not free we paid to get in here.” He called back.

“I think you’ll find Shi...Knight and Nursey paid the balance.” Lardo grinned, eyes widening as she looked up at Cait. “Knight Nurse! I never even realised!”

“I’m so glad Shitty graduated.” Nursey muttered, shooting a practised smile at the waitress who handed him the glass of wine she had just poured.

“A glass of wine, ma’...?” The waitress cut herself off, a flash of a grimace crossing her face and it took as long as Will tucking his sunglasses onto the front of his dress for him to realise that she did not know how to address him.

 He glanced at her professionally mild expression, trying to judge if she had thought he was a...was female, or just working with what she could see, a minimum wager employee not wanting to insult a guest. Will opened his mouth but did not know what to say so instead just smiled awkwardly and nodded, running his palm over the light fabric of his dress exactly four times to calm himself before he took the glass from her, feeling all the guy’s eyes on him as he sipped the red wine nervously.

 "'Kay babe?" Nursey asked quietly, looking him intently in the eye and Will nodded, knowing Nursey would trust him to tell the truth so would leave it. He could deal with this himself.

 Nursey held his gaze for a moment before crooking a dimpled grin at Will as they made their way to the others, Nursey slotting them into the group with a smooth “Here’s to us designated drivers” as he clinked his glass with Bitty’s.

 Will smiled and laughed in all the right places as the chatter went on around him, ate a load of canapes and drunk about three glasses of the different wine’s they were tasting while not really feeling in the room, his actions almost like he was on autopilot, pressing his free hand against the fabric of his skirt to try and ground him in the here and now.

 Moving out of the way for an obviously tipsy Whiskey to have his glass refilled, Will caught his reflection in the fancy mirror’s set up between the wine racks to make the room look bigger or something. He hated it. He hated it, he hated it, he hated it. He looked wrong, he was wrong, he was…

“Can you hold my drink a moment babe, I just gotta go pee.”

“Sophisticated as ever.” Nursey joked as he took the glass out of Will’s fingers, the brush of skin making him want to recoil but he stopped himself. He threw Nursey a tight lipped smiled and did not hurry from the room, instead taking his time counting the step’s to the door and out into the golden light of late afternoon.

 Forty-two, he’d have liked it better if it was under forty, numbers under forty felt better, but he would make do, pacing along the front of the main building and back, getting to thirty-eight when he almost walked straight into Ollie.

“Woah dude, you okay?” He asked, hands held out like he was about to catch him and all Will could do was look at him.

“I gotta…” He said before stepping around him and starting again from the beginning, feeling Ollie watching him every step of the way and burning in shame because the only people who knew about this were his mother and Nursey and he tried never to do it in front of them, and now here he was doing it in front of fucking Ollie.

 He stopped at forty-two, Ollie having stepped back so Will did not walk into him this time, and slowly turned to face him, glancing up at his concerned blue eyes. “Are you all right?” Ollie asked again, voice carefully neutral.

 Will swallowed. “What do you think of me?”

“Uhhh…”

“Do you look at me and see a gangly, big eared, plain faced boy who looks ridiculous and wrong and is weird and…”

“No.” Ollie said firmly, stepping closer, glancing down at Will scraping his palms over his skirt but said nothing. “I don’t think of you as a boy ‘cause you said you’re not really one. I don’t get it, I understand it sure but I don’t _get_ it. Privilege of never having to ever wonder if I _am_ a dude I guess. I look at you and see someone very brave.” Will felt himself blush, making to rub his hands together and instead shoving one into a pocket and the other clutching at the sunglasses clipped on the front of his dress. “Going on the ice versus Yale wearing fucking mascara takes more balls than I’d ever have, man.”

 Will shrugged, “They’re not that scary.”

 Ollie snorted, then shifted awkwardly. “Is this cause she almost called you…you know.”

“No, maybe. I was feeling unbalanced before then. A bit.”

“D’ya want me to go get Nursey?” Ollie offered, twisting to point back inside through the large plate glass windows. He was not part of the main SMH squad despite being Bitty’s friend since the Taddie Tour (Will was still not quite sure how _he_ had managed to be in the main squad), he got into enough hi-jinks with Wick’s without getting involved in the drama of the Haus. Will had always liked him, he was a steady presence on and off the ice and he needed that right now.

“Can you just tell me about the latest weird shit you got up to?”

 Ollie did not usually tell the stories because half of the stuff in them was questionably legal, but Will knew that he loved telling them, his eyes sparkling as he launched into a tale about a shoe, a Dubai travel brochure, jumping out a second story window and an art class that had Will laughing out loud, slowly feeling his skin fit him better and the world around him more tangible as he let himself concentrate on being incredulous about the truth of this story.

“You boy’s all right out here?” Bitty’s smooth voice broke them out of their conversation and they both turned to look at him, Will feeling guilty in the way he always did when Bitty used that tone of voice at him.

“Fresh air, getting stuffy in there you know?” Ollie covered smoothly.

“Mmm, too much to drink more like it.” Bitty said skeptically. “Ya’ll comin’ in or are we gonna have to join ya’ll outside?”

Ollie glanced at Will. “Come outside and join the fun.”

 When Bitty disappeared back inside Will bent to take off his sandals. He did not want them on anymore, he wanted to feel the ground beneath his feet so soon after almost falling apart.

“Why’d you come out here?” Will asked from where he was hopping about pulling his sandal off.

“Was a bit worried after the waitress almost uuh, like, misgendered (?) you. I read how it can mess people up.”

“You read?”

“I can fucking read you fuck!” Ollie tried to pull Will down into a noogie but he was too tall, batting Ollie’s hands away when the door opened and everyone else piled out side.

“What the fuck guys this place is fancy!”

“Dex where are your shoes?”

“Why aren’t I that drunk yet?”

 Ollie tapped Will on the chest, arm still half around his neck. “I got your back brah, any time.” He said quietly before untangling himself from Will to go and bug Whiskey.

 Will took his glass back off Nursey who was looking a little concerned, but smiled when Will wrapped an arm around his waist. “Are you okay?”

“Better than I was. I've got it under control.”

“Do you wanna go?” He asked so gently, and Will felt terrible because Nursey trusted him to tell him, when it was not obvious he was struggling, that he needed help and Will had not, and neither was he planning too.

“Maybe soon.”

 Nursey brushed a kiss to his temple. “Anything you need, _Zanjabeel_.”

“I know that mean’s ginger, you’re not smooth.”

“Yes I am.”

 

                                                                                          _X_

 Jack had been waiting for them when they got back, still in his game day suit having just got back from Vancouver and would have to leave to fly out to Edmonton tomorrow night. He was here to see Bitty but it was nice that he had driven up from Providence to hang out with them all rather than Bitty going to stay the night at his.

 It was still early in the evening, everyone tipsy and a bit groggy from the warmth of the day and gorging themselves on canapés, but that never stopped college guys from ramping up day dreaming into a party.

 Bitty was zipping around the kitchen, Jack sat at the island watching him with an arm around Shitty who was yelling about something demonstratively as Will jogged up the stairs after Nursey who was sorting out sheets and shit for Ollie and Whiskey as they had to move to the sofa bed for the night. He ducked into the master bedroom and wriggled out of his dress, leaving it laying across the bed as he put on his floral shorts and one of Nursey's slightly too big for him t-shirts, breathing deeply as the tightness that had been in his chest since since the vineyard finally dissolved.

 This was him, unshowy and soft and not quite a boy, and now he knew what he could take. Maybe a year from now, even a month, he could swan around in a pretty dress with Nursey holding his hand and not give a fuck. Shit, he would not even need Nursey there to not give a fuck, he could not hang his future on him no matter how much they loved one another - it had to be him, not Nursey, who did this. 

 The smell of maple crusted apple pie was thick in the air when he came down stairs, Will was sure they did not buy maple syrup on the food run but he had learnt in his first semester at Samwell not to question where Bitty got his baking supplies from. He went to the kitchen window and peered out at the deck where everyone had gathered, Bitty lighting the fire and batting away all the city boy’s trying to help him. He watched until the wood caught, laughing to himself when Bitty stood back looking smug, then went to get a hard cider from the back of the fridge - he hated beer, always had, only drinking it because that’s what it seemed like guys had to do - and went to go and sit on the porch at the side of the house so he could look out at the sea and the far distant lighthouse.

 The railing was cool against his feet when he pushed them against it, leaning back on the warm wooden wall of the house as he enjoyed the sounds of his friends being idiots while he was quiet and calm and solitary, needing his own company for a little while but at the same time not wanting to be alone.

 He cracked open the bottle in the gap between two floorboards he would have immediately fixed if his was his house and took a long drink, sighing contentedly and closing his eyes, enjoying this moment where he was not trying to work out what not being a girl but not really being a boy meant and he could just be Dex.

 He did not know how long he sat there listening to Jack’s low french tones or Shitty’s yelling, Whiskey’s smooth voice or Chris’s bubbling laugh but the tide was further out than it had been when he closed his eyes. He glanced up to where he thought the tap that had broken him out of his reverie had come from and laughed when he saw Lardo’s face squashed against the glass of the window so she could look down at him, laughing harder when she pressed her mouth against it and blew out her cheeks, looking smug as she dropped out of view.

 Will sat with a smile on his face as he listened to her thumping around inside before the front door swung open and she was stood there in her house coat and pyjamas, laptop balanced in one hand and a half drunk bottle of white wine in the other.

“There the fuck you are!” She announced, stomping over to sit down next to him, her shoulder bumping into the middle of his arm as she dumped her laptop into his lap. “I’ve been a busy bee and I think you should see my honey.”

“You knew exactly how that was gonna sound!” Will protested but she ignored him.

“I’ve been editing the pictures we took and before you get all self conscious and think that I’ve photoshopped you I’ve just brought out the all the colours and been cropping shit okay?” She tapped his leg. “I haven’t changed a thing about you.”

“Not even my ears?”

“Not even your signature ears.”

 Will huffed and ran his finger over the mousepad to wake up the screen, laughing out loud at the image that greeted him. It was a beautifully framed, very zoomed in shot of Shitty and Bitty trying to not look like they were snooping on the ‘photoshoot’, Nursey just visible behind them doing just as bad a job. He looked down at Lardo who took a swig of wine with a smug look on her face. “Please tell me this is going to appear everywhere when they least expect it?”

“Of course.”

 The next was a shot that must have been taken while Lardo was setting up, it was of Will with the scarves over his head like a babushka while Cait was laid out on a rock sunning herself, one tanned leg thrown over the other, shielding her eyes despite wearing sunglasses. “Girl crush much?”

“I have eyes.”

 The first picture of Will was taken just as a wave broke over his back, the shutter capturing the water bursting around his shoulders just before Will’s reacted to it, expression serene and eyes closed lightly. The second was pulled right back, Will looking small with the endless blue sea and sky behind him, surf swelling around his legs while he looked away from the viewer, his hair blowing across his face as all the fucking fabric Lardo had dumped on him billowed out leaving him shapeless and genderless in a weirdly comforting way. The last one was framed like the first one, but his smile was glowing off his face as he looked above the camera and out of shot at Cait who had happily been there for him from the start, who Will owed so much, who had finally seen what had been inside him for the past twenty-one years.

“If you don’t want me to use any of them I won’t.” Lardo said softly, looking at the same image as Will.

“Yeah, yeah you can...just ask me again if you want to put them up anywhere.” He took a deep breath, staring at himself in disbelief as he ran his palms over his thighs absentmindedly. “I can’t believe that’s me.” He said softly.

“100% SMH 24, genuine article, organically grown in Maine.” She was looking at him when he glanced at her. “I’m not gonna segue smoothly into this, you appreciate directness and so do I so I’m just gonna ask, and If I overstep tell me - politely- to back off and I will. Are we good using ‘he’ pronouns still?”

“Yeah.”

“Is it only ‘he’?”

“I don’t think I mind. I’m not uncomfortable being ‘he’ at - at the moment. M’ not quite sure about ‘they’ and stuff yet...Is this ‘cause of earlier?”

“Yeah.”

 Will pursed his lips and sucked in a breath through his nose, letting his head tip back against the smooth wood of the house as he considered the best way to explain this. Nursey always got it, full attention on what Will was saying when he tried to express the difficulties that came with who he was and he knew that Nursey had a file on his phone full of notes and saved articles so he could make sure he understood what Will was saying (the fucking sweetheart), Chris and Cait always so easy to talk to and willing to help. Lardo was going to be the first person not close to him, really close, that he was going to say this to.

“The aesthetics of...obviously my gender, or lack of it, is more than how I look. It’s deeper than that, but showing it is important too, so you can fit into your own skin and look yourself in the eye at the end of the day. But showing yourself in a way you’re comfortable with _and_ showing it in a way other people can understand is a tightrope you - well me - feel like I have to walk right now. I know what when I wear the jock uniform for a week people start to think if I just got confused an’ was male all along, and when I go full femme apparently people will assume I’m female. I’m not bothered by the almost ma’am, it was the slip in the, uhh...presentation. Of me. That bothered me.” Will took another gulp of cider, ”It was the sudden visibility when I wasn’t even thinking about how I was being. You have to watch what you’re doing to see if you’re performing everything the right way. I’m not settled in myself enough yet to just be and not give a fuck I guess, or...or for it to be natural.”

“You had me worried.” Lardo admitted quietly. “You’re my frogs,and even though I’ve graduated and stuff I still care about you guys.”

 Will fiddled with the label on his bottle, feeling touched but not sure how to show it. “I shouldn’t’ve gone in, I should’ve stayed outside until I was calm but I pushed through it ‘cause I never know when to stop. I think I’d have been okay without the ma'am thing. I think I was dissociating at one point, I don’t even know. I should’ve handled it better. I will handle it better next time.”

“It’s not about doing better, it’s about being okay. I’m relieved all it took was Ollie to help you.”

“Ollie’s not that bad.” Lardo shrugged. “I’m getting better. That was a stumble. I’m feeling good now.” He told himself.

“Have you told Nursey all that?”

 Will nodded, fiddling with his fingers, “He’s a good listener for someone who won’t shut the fuck up. He’s hears what you’re really saying.”

“You sappy fucker.” Lardo grinned, leaning into him. “But because Nursey isn’t sat here and I am, I think that he doesn’t know how bad it was today?”

“People like me don't get guy’s like him adoring them, an’ sometimes I wish he wouldn’t because I know I’m not...worth it.”

“If he dumps you for your baggage or _yourself_ then he’s not worth a moment of your time, but you know he won’t just like I know he won’t. It’s a smart thing to be cautious of, yeah, but shitty to think of someone who loves you like he does.”

Will nodded. “I know.”

“Should tell him all this.”

“I know.”

“And then you should fuck him.”

“Wow.”

“I mean, it’s been P quiet in the direction of your room last couple nights and I’ve been in there, that big ol’ bed is crying out for…”

“I am not getting fucked with all of you listening thanks.”

“Oh shit. Dude. Oh! Are we clockblocking you? We’re totally cockblocking you! Sorry man…” They were quiet for another moment. “You wanna come show these photo’s to the guys or you wanna be left alone again?”

 Will sighed, “Suppose we better.”, letting Lardo use his shoulder to lever herself up before he followed her.

 

 The guys reacted to the snooping picture with hoots and yells, Jack laughing hard at it before calming down only to be set off again whenever he glanced at Shitty who was chortling drunkenly into his moustache, Nursey looking unrepentant while Bitty chattered a mile a minute about it being a public beach.

 Will got teased for being an old woman in the photo with Cait but he noticed Chris slip an arm around her waist and whisper something to her that made her blush and he looked away to shove Whiskey who was calling him abuela.

 The photo’s of him were met with silence and it made him shift where he was perched on the end of a bench, feeling a little sick, eyes glued to Nursey’s unreadable face.

“Oh Larissa!” Bitty broke the silence. “Those are beautiful!” He gushed clicking back to the first one and going through them again.

“That’s what I like to see, you coming for Jack.” Shitty said, sounding very proud as he put an arm around her.

“Of course Lard’s will be better than me. I play hockey and she is at art school.” Jack said graciously. “But don’t get complacent Lard’s, off season’s a long time, eh?.”

“This is gonna become a thing isn’t it.” Bitty sighed.

“Nah we cool.” Lardo said, grinning at Jack in a way that made it clear that it was already a thing.

“How did you get the wave to do that?” Ollie asked, leaning between Whiskey and Bitty to see the screen better.

“It’s the fucking ocean O’Meara.” Dex laughed, trying to poke at Ollie's ankle with his foot but was stopped by Nursey pressing a kiss onto his mouth that had Will blushing from his hairline down to his toes, gasping against Nursey’s soft lips as he felt like he was about to catch on fire.

 Will rubbed his lips together when Nursey pulled back, looking up at him shock as he tried to think of where to go from here. “Lardo took the pictures.” He rasped out.

“That’s not the point and you know it. Those pictures are of _you_ , Dexy.” Nursey murmured and Will thought he somehow managed to blush harder.

“Gonna kiss me like that Nursey?” Lardo called and  Nursey made to climb over four hockey players to get to her, everyone yelling and laughing and shouting, Chris getting involved in the mass wrestle that broke out.

 Will sipped his drink and watched them to make sure no-one rolled into the fire as Cait came to sit next to Lardo, curling her feet up under her as they knocked their drinks together.

 

                                                                                                  _X_

 

 Derek was more than just poet and hockey bro, he was a son and a brother, an activist and a dreamer, a black man and a citizen of the world, a clumsy fucker and a lover, and also the best dam beach volleyball player at Andover.

 It was not something officially taught there but they had all been to one another's fancy ass holiday homes over the years and what was a better way to get the attention of the girls (and in his case boys as well) on the various beaches around the world than playing volleyball. Surfing would have been more impressive in Derek’s opinion but there was no way he was ever going to be able to stay upright on a surfboard so had kept that opinion to himself.

 Derek knew what he looked liked in a pair of trunks pulling over his hockey butt and his broad shoulders glistening with sweat, showing off the muscles that had always come easier to him than his friends as he leapt to thump a ball over the net, revelling in the attention he he always got, storing it away for the times when he doubted his ‘un-caucasian’ features could be attractive. Then he had hated the game for a while, playing in t-shirts because when people looked at him they wanted a sexy black man and not him with all his weaknesses and quirks, and then he had stopped worrying about other people’s gaze. He knew his own worth.

 But it was not all to impress people. That’s what it started out as but Derek was a competitive little shit at heart, the only thing he hated more than losing was to see the people on his team disappointed at a loss and he would play his heart out to ensure that did not happen, especially when a pro-athlete with his game face on was facing him down on the other side of the net.

“Shouldn’t you be napping?” Farmer called from next to him, bent over and ready for Chris to serve from behind her.

“I haven’t even broken a sweat.” Jack grinned back, eyes fixed on Chris as he jumped and whacked the ball over the net.

 He loved the prickle of the sun on his shoulders, the fine layer of healthy sweat on his skin that he would wash off in the cool sea when the game was done, the burn in his lungs as satisfying as the strain in his legs as he tried to get traction on the sand.

 Bitty tipped the ball over the net and even Chris could not react quickly enough to keep it up. The scoring had been vague from the start and they were going to play until everyone got tired or bored, people coming in and out and swapping sides at will, but they were sportsmen and a lost point is a lost point.

“Fuck.” Farmer hissed under her breath as Bitty got jumped on by Jack and Shitty, glaring at them as she downed some water. This was a matter of pride for her to not get beaten by Hockey players and her game face was almost as scary as Chris’. “Tap out and bring Ollie on, Nursey.”

“I’m fine I can keep going.”

“You’ve been playing for ages, take a break.” She ordered and he knew when to back down in the face of tactics, waving at the other team as he made his way over to the fortress of parasol’s that was the only shelter from the midday sun on the beach, otherwise known as Dex’s Gremlin Cave.

 Derek tapped on the taut fabric, “Permission to enter the realm of the pixies?”

“Fuck off!”

 Derek ducked down to crawl inside, sighing at the coolness of the shade as he plopped down next to Dex on a beach towel. “You were playing really well out there.” Dex mumbled, pressing a kiss to Derek’s shoulder that felt amazing against his sun warmed skin.

“Thank’s. Cait is on a mission though, m’trying to keep up with her.”

“She is the Volleyball captain.”

 Derek rolled his shoulders and stretched out his legs so his toes were in the sunlight. “I think my legs worked that out about ten minutes ago.”

“You’re really warm, did you feel like you were burning?” Dex asked quietly.

“Skin was starting to prickle a bit.” He grinned to himself when Dex tutted and began shaking up the bottle of factor fifty he had to carry everywhere as soon as the sun came out.

“I know you do it on purpose to get me to rub suntan cream over you, you’re not subtle.” Dex groused as he ran strong hands over Derek’s shoulders, the callouses that so bothered him fading away now he was soaking his hands in epsom salts once a week and letting Derek rub coconut oil into his palms. His hands were almost soft now, Derek sighing contentedly as they smoothed the cooling sunscreen onto his skin.

 He lost himself in the feeling of Dex’s hands on him, running up from the base of his spine, across his shoulders and down his arms, laughing when Dex shoved a hand into his face, craning his head to press a kiss to Dex’s jaw as he rubbed sunscreen into his chest, feeling the air heat between them as Dex looked at him through his copper lashes, curls of soft red hair spilling down from the clip keeping his bangs out of his eyes.

 

 They had talked in the stillness of the master bedroom last night about what had happened earlier that day. Derek had noticed that something had thrown Dex off when they were in the vineyard but had thought that it had been his fault, been too focused on while strangers looked on so he had given Dex space, well aware of how his large emotions could crowd in on people. He had felt terrible when Dex had whispered into the darkness that it was the vulnerability of his not-gender being so obviously visible that had brought it all on, felt even worse that Ollie had been the one to help him, almost not able to take it when Dex had snuggled closer to comfort him.

“I love you, and doing this with you next to me is...is _such a help._ D, I want you to hold my hand every step of the way but I need to be able to handle thing myself. And I should have told you about everything today, because you should know when I'm..having trouble. I've not been a very good b...partner recently, you trust me to tell you and I didn't and I'm sorry.” Dex had whispered, throwing his leg over Derek’s. “You're more than enough for me D, just as you are.”

 He had wanted Dex badly then, like he had wanted him a hundred times before but Dex had looked worn out, was soft and heavy with tiredness so he had pressed kisses into his hair that smelt of the sea until they both fell asleep. Besides, the wound tight tension in his body that night a month ago and the relief Dex had not been able to keep off his face when Nursey had pulled out would not be easily forgotten. They needed to talk about it, he knew that, but Dex had so much going on already Derek was prepared to wait for him to bring it up. Anyway, their sex life now was great, and he’d really like Dex to fuck him one day, but he could not help the places his mind took him when Dex was warm and inviting under his hands or in his bed...

 

 Dex’s hands trailed off Derek’s chest and brushed along his inner thigh, making him shudder all over, gasping when Dex’s hand rested heavily on his dick that had been chubbing in his trunks since Dex first touched him. “Yeah?” He asked.

“We’re in public.” Derek whispered, barely a protest, heart thumping in his chest as Dex swung one long leg over his and sat in his lap.

“No-one can see.” Dex whispered, brushing their lips together and Derek kissed him, tugging down the sides of Dex’s shorts so he could dig his fingers into the smooth skin over his hips, moaning openly into his his mouth when Dex pulled him out of his trunks and wrapped the hand still slick with sunscreen around him. “Yeah?” He checked again and Derek was going to go mad.

 He pulled back enough to look up at Dex, his pale, awkward, beautiful human, and did not think he would say no even if the whole ECAC Hockey League suddenly decided they needed some shade right at that moment.“Yeah.” Derek said, toes curling into the sand as Dex began jacking him off just how he liked it, tight and firm and twisting around the head, moving his hand like he wanted Derek to come and he had to distract himself by nipping kisses on the slip of collarbone exposed by Dex’s t-shirt.

“That’s it.” Dex breathed into his ear, tugging the lobe between his teeth and Derek had to bite at Dex’s t-shirt to muffle a moan. “I want you to come. You’re so fucking perfect and I wanna make you come.”

 Derek could not deny him that even if he wanted too, burying his face under Dex’s jaw and panting there as he felt his orgasm build in his gut. “Fuck.” He grunted out when he finally came, leaning his forehead on Dex’s shoulder to watch his come splatter all over his pale hand, groaning at the sight of his dick twitching in his grip before pulling Dex down into a biting kiss, Dex opening his lips to moan into his mouth as Derek tightened his hold on his hips.

“We should go in the sea and wash all this off.” Dex murmured as he kissed over Derek’s cheek that was already starting to get scratchy with stubble.

“Oh...did you?”

“No.”

“Do you want…”

“You can get me later.” Dex pecked him on the lips, smiling when Derek ran a hand through his hair that had gone completely wild, loving the contrast between the red and his dark skin. “I’d prob get sunburn on my dick knowing me.” He said with a grin on his face, sniggering into Derek’s hair when he buried his face into Dex’s neck to laugh.

“Oh my god.”

“You know it’s true.”

 Derek pressed his smile into Dex’s cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Are you having a good time, like in general?”

“Yeah. It’s been nice, but I kinda want them to leave early.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Come on, put your dick away before we get found out.”

“Oh now you’re worried!”

 Dex just smiled at him, wiping his hand on the sand before crawling off Derek and slipping on the Chanel sunglasses Derek had found in the back of a draw that suited him so much Derek was wondering if he should get him a pair - he did try to not spend too much money on him lest the words Sugar and Daddy got thrown around.

 He followed Dex out of the shade cave, almost knocking a parasol over in the process, wiping some more factor fifty on his ears and the back of his neck while Dex was smiling at him, swooping in to give him one more peck on his kiss bruised lips before they raced off towards the sea, making the most of the thirty-ish minutes Dex had before he would start to burn in the midday sun.

 The volleyball game had wound down while Derek had been getting off, even Bitty had gotten too warm to play and instead everyone was punting the ball to one another in the surf. Dex ran past them without a care, leaping over every incoming wave like he ran hurdles on the track team, only stopping when he got on the other side of the breaking waves.

“You’re going to splash me aren’t you?” Derek asked from where he was stopped at what he judged to be a safe distance away.

“No. It'll mess with your hair and then you’ll splash me back and I’m wearing Chanel.” He said in complete seriousness and Derek only just stopped himself ugly laughing at that.

 Dex pushed his hair off his face as he looked out to sea and Derek wished he could look at this forever. “You wanna hear some poetry?” He asked, stepping closer.

“Did you write it?” Derek nodded. “Then of course I wanna hear it.” He grouched and Derek loved him so much.

“People ask me who I love and I say the sound of the rush of an ocean. People ask me who I love and I say the gasp against my lips, I say the rise and fall of a chest, the sight of my own heart held in strong hands. People ask me who I love and I say the space in between, the almost, the whole, the right, the true. People ask me what her name is and I say shoulders wide enough to carry a whole person for half a lifetime. People ask me what his name is and I say the softness of a laugh in the early mornings...that’s kinda as far as I’ve got, I need to make some of it clearer and neaten it up a bit.”

 Dex stepped in close and held Derek’s face in his wet hands. “When people ask me who I love I will say you, and you, and you, and you. From the vicious little part of you kept behind your teeth to the heart that can barely fit in your chest. I love you.”

 Derek was not used to being on the receiving end of poetry and he felt his face heat, coughing to clear the sudden swell of emotion in his chest as he pulling his face out of Dex’s grip to rub his ear on his shoulder to try and hide how he was melting inside. “Unfair.” He muttered and Dex laughed at him.

“Kiss!” Jack yelled.

“Yeah kiss! We need a new microwave!!” Bitty shouted.

“Wanna go spike a volleyball at a pro-athlete?” Dex said, turning as Derek came to stand at his shoulder.

“Be a fucking pleasure _habibi_.”

 

                                                                                                _X_

 A plane was flying overhead, the low drone of its propeller as it rumbled along made Derek smile, he could not tell you why just that it did. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath of the fresh, sweet spring air with the tang of salt to it, letting the warmth of the day seep into him from the weather smoothed wood of the porch.

 He rocked his head on his arms he had crossed on the top of the banister, legs dangling between the railings so his toes could brush over the cool grass.

 Derek opened his eyes and glanced across to the neighbour's house that was about two hundred feet away across the grass, smiling at the obviously unsure demeanour of the nanny who was chatting to Dex while he stood looking at the swing set he had just fixed, hands on his hips and gesturing with a screwdriver like the crotchety DIY old...person he was at heart, Whiskey pushing the little girls who’s set it was.

 His partner was a darling. A sweetheart. A good, kind human who Derek was totally besotted with. And a total dork who brought a tool kit with him on holiday - that was going to be A grade chirp material for at least the next twenty years.

 Derek smiled at the sight and then let his eyes trail over to the sea where Lardo and Bitty were whacking the hell out of one another with pool noodles while sat on Ransom and Holsters shoulders, the pair newly arrived from the adult word for a weekend of sun, sea, sand, and messing up Derek’s sleeping plans yet again.

 He missed them. Missed Holster’s salt and the way he could fill up a whole ice rink with his presence, missed Lardo’s stillness and steady presence, missed Ransom’s support, energy, brightness of personality and, well, missed not being the only black guy on the team. Ford being the team manager was more of a relief then Derek ever expected it to be, but it was not really the same.

 And he would miss the hell out of Bitty when he graduated this year.

 What the fuck would they all do with a Bitty shaped hole in their life?

 Well, Derek had the style, the presence, and the sass. And Chris had the sunshine personality, the charm with an edge to it, and the natural ability to give gentle support to those who needed it. And Dex took no shit and could cook - not worse than Bitty, just different. Definitely with more flare than Derek could without direction. They’d be fine.

 And then next year the three of them would graduate.

 Derek swallowed past the sour bubble of dread in his chest and looked further up the coast to the distant lighthouse.

 

                                                                                               _X_

 

 Will had fallen in love with the master bedroom over the week they had been here - a week! It had felt like forever and no time at all.

 It was all ivory colours and pale blues, the original wood floor sanded and polished with such care Will would crouch down when Nursey was not there to run his hands over the smooth surface. One window looked out over the distant neighbours for prime snooping, letting in the warm evening light while the other opened out over the ocean and flooded the room with warm sunlight in the mornings. It was where Will was sitting , feet up on the sky blue cushions of the window seat as he watched Ransom and Holster chatting up a bunch of girls on the beach who Dex had not seen once in the whole time they had been here.

 He literally had no idea how they did it.

 The shower shut off and Will turned his eyes towards the door of the en suite, pulling the cup of coffee in his hands closer to his chest.

 Nursey had been up half the night writing, speaking aloud the poetry he was working on usually had that effect, and Will had woken up in darkness to an empty bed and the distant sound of Nursey pacing around downstairs. He had rolled over and gone back to sleep, only waking up again when Nursey slipped back into bed with the sunrise.

 And what a bed it was. Wide enough for their two huge bodies to sprawl across and barely touch, the sheets so soft against his skin, the mattress sucking him in of a morning and making it almost impossible for him to get out. He was going to miss it when they had to go back to Samwell on Sunday.

 Will got up from where he was perched and went over to the en suite, knocking before pushing in. Nursey had a towel wrapped low around his hips, muscular body glistening from the shower, skin dark from being out in the sun all week, looking like a fucking god even as he was in the process of shaving.

“Hey babe.” He greeted, beaming at Will in the mirror. He looked tired despite sleeping in late, mossy green eyes tracking Will as he placed the cup of coffee on the sink next to Nursey and then went to sit on the closed toilet seat, pulling one knee up so he could lean his chin on it and watch as Nursey shaved.

 Will did not have to shave very often, maybe twice a week, which he was infinitely glad of. If he had not been able to bear the touch of his own calloused hands how the fuck would he react to prickly stubble all over his face once a day. He did not even care about embarrassing play-off beards, it was a small price to pay for a year's worth of being comfortable in his own skin. But if Nursey skipped one shave then he would have full on artful stubble, could manage a beard in a week, and even though he loved the look of the stubble Will did not always like the scratchy feel, especially if he was having a shitty day. He had felt bad asking Nursey to shave a little more regularly but he did not seem to mind, Will never kicked off whenever Nursey let it grow and he knew Nursey liked it when he would sit quietly and watch him shave because he was a vain piece of shit. But then again, if Will looked like that he would be a bit vain too.

“Nursey?” He asked quietly, meeting his eyes in the mirror as he rinsed the razor under the water. “Do you want to have sex with me?”

“Like, right now…?” He asked, sounding so up for it Will was thrown for a moment, whole body heating in pleased embarrassment.

“No like…” Will huffed out a breath. “What we do right now is fantastic but do you want more than that?”

 Nursey hesitated, looking for a moment like he was trying to work out what that question actually meant before turning to face Will, leaning back on the sink so his hips were jutted forward, the line of his dick pressing against the towel and Will had to look away. “I do.” He said cautiously, gaze heavy on Will like he was trying to read his mind. “But I’m waiting for you to tell me you want to because of, like, anything you need to work through and I don't wanna like, add to it. I'm happy right now babe." Nursey sighed, "I respect your identity and know that your sexuality is gonna be tied up in that and I don’t want you to ever feel like I’m treating you like a kink or whatever.”

Will got it, he had the same worries about doing it with Nursey’s blackness or muslim heritage, but something about what Nursey said made him think about how all the touches Nursey constantly gave him become more restrained the more femme he looked, how the attentiveness grew, the look on his face when he had adjusted Will’s sandal. “Do you find me more attractive when I look more femme?”

“I find you attractive.” Nursey said immediately, tone firm, but when Will looked at him there was a blush just visible on his cheeks as he tried not to look shifty.

“But?”

 Nursey let out a pained noise and made like he was going to turn around. “You have really nice legs - like, all of you is nice tbh, your eyes, your waist, the arch of your foot, your butt, your knee…”

“Yeah yeah all right, D.”

“So yeah, you have really great legs. Really great. And I just...you show them more when you’re femme-ing it up is all.”

“You’re such a perv.” Will joked, Nursey smiling at him despite how flat it fell and shrugging nonchalantly.

“Like you don’t know.”

 He did. Well, he kind of did. He thought his legs were quite nice and to hear Nursey say that he liked them made him feel unexpectedly smug, straightening out his leg to wiggle his toes at him. “Good to know.”

 Mossy eyes narrowed at him like Nursey was trying to work out how that information was going to come back and bite him, the silence stretching on like the talk was wrapping up, giving Will a chance to back out, but instead he scrunched up his face and went for it. “Do you want to try fucking me again?”

 Nursey started as if he had not expected this conversation about sex would coover this. "Will..."

"I always push too hard, we both know that, but I _promise_ you I'm okay now. What I want or like in bed has nothing to do with my gender." Will said with a surety that surprised him, saying it out loud making him realise just how much he  _really_ meant it. "I wouldn't put you through that again D, it was so unfair on you."

 Nursey took a deep breath, moving to rub a hand over his cheek and then remembering half his face was still covered in shaving cream. “I do.” He said, voice steady. “But sometimes I wish I didn’t because I can still remember the pained noises you made and... and how relieved you looked when I pulled out. If you don’t like it you don’t like it Dexy, there is no shame in that, and I’d rather never have sex again than hurt you. Ever.”

“Always so dramatic.” Will muttered as he stood up and came closer, resting his fingers on Nursey’s hands. “I’d like to try again. If what happened last time still worries you then we won’t, we'll talk. But I was thinking tomorrow - I know you’re looking forward to going out with Rans & Holtzy but if we just made the most of the empty house and fooled around, let what happens happens…”

“Babe, honestly, I love Ransom and Holster and all the guys, but even if you just asked to hang out and watch Planet Earth I’d ditch them all.”

“You’re a bad friend.”

“Great boyfriend though.”

“Suppose.” Will conceded, rolling his eyes when Nursey looked unbearably handsome and smug and leant in to peck him on the lips, accepting the inevitable when he was pulled in for a proper kiss and got shaving cream all over his cheeks. “Great boyfriend,” he announced, wiping the cream off his face and onto Nursey’s lightly haired chest, “terrible person.”

 

                                                                                          _X_

 Cait was on her third attempt to get the wing of her eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man and was on the brink of despair. It was just one of those days where it would not co-operate and she was about to call April to get some of her perfect eyeliner vibes when there was a knock on the doorframe that was gentle enough not to startle, something she appreciated when she had a liquid eyeliner pen half an inch from her eyeball.

 Dex was stood in the doorway, the bright clear light that somehow bathed the entire interior of the house making him look soft and warm and made Cait want to demand a pre-night out Frog cuddle pile. But he also looked shifty, not that that was unusual for that giant awkward bean, but Cait liked to think she knew him well enough to tell when he had something to be shifty about.

“Now this looks familiar.” She smiled as she pushed back from the vanity with half her face done. “What can I do for you Dexy?”

 He stepped into the room, pushing his hair out of his eyes as he frowned at something next to Cait’s shoulder. “I don’t come to see you just when I want something, I can come and hang out. You’re not my agony aunt.”

“You come to hang out now?” Dex’s frown deepened and she smiled at him, grabbing at his arm and pulling him into sit on the end of the bed Chris had just made. “It’s fine, we’re friends. You’d do the same for me right?”

“Yeah. I’d probably be super bad at it but yeah, of course.”

“There you go then.” Cait looked at herself in the mirror and sighed before turning back to Dex. “What’s up?”

“You having eyeliner trouble?” Dex asked, holding his hand out for the pen without waiting for an answer, leaning forwards as Cait scooted between his legs.

“It’s just not working for me today.” Cait muttered as Dex carefully applied it with his steady hands.

“You can’t be perfect all the time, how else would us mortals have a chance.” He said, a small smile on his face when Cait glanced over him.

“You wearing that out tonight?”

“What?” Dex pulled back and looked down at the loose crop-top (SMH tradition had gotten the better of him eventually) he was wearing whose neckline was always slipping from one shoulder to the other and the laced hem of the high-waisted floral shorts he had been living in all week. “What’s wrong with it?”

“I’m not sure Newport is ready for tipsy Nursey getting all handsy and possessive.”

 Dex flushed and went back to applying Cait’s eyeliner. “We’re staying in.”

 They sat in silence as Dex finished up, Cait considering what to say next. On the one hand she wanted to gently tease him about getting laid. But on the other she had been there for his freak about bottoming, and what that meant for him. She also knew from Chris that the first attempt had not gone smoothly after Nursey had confided in him. She smiled to herself at the memory of Chris apologising profusely over the phone as he ran across campus in the opposite direction to their coffee date to check in on Dex.

 The jocks at her high school had been the opposite of these kind, deep feeling hockey boys and she was so, so glad for the sake of Chris that the SMH had got itself to the place where this healthy behaviour was encouraged.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“You gonna give me a pep talk, Captain?”

“I’m really good at them.” Cait informed him as she turned to look at herself in the mirror, relieved and impressed that her eyeliner now matched. “And for doing such a good job of this I’ll even smack your butt.”

“I’ll defer that to Chow, he deserves it more than me.” He twirled the pen between his fingers for a moment, blushing darker under the spread of freckles he had collected despite all the suncream he wore. “I’m nervous, but we’re just gonna see what happens which I think will be better that being like, we’re doing this now.”

“That’s a good idea. I think that’s the best way to go about most things, you know how I feel about planning ahead.”

 Dex shot her a look, they had agreed to disagree on the merits of tornado-ing stuff rather than being methodical - goddam STEM majors. “I’m um...here for a favour?”

“Condoms?” She asked immediately, not entirely sure what favour she could do for him unless the topic had changed suddenly.

“No uh, do you have any long socks? Like thigh high? I’ll probably stretch them out but I’ll pay you back.”

 So Nursey was an ass and a leg man, Chris was going to _love_ chirping him about that.

 Cait tried to keep her face neutral as she went over to her suitcase and dug out the pair of dark blue thigh highs she took everywhere with her because if there is one thing the girls in the SWV had taught her it was that thigh highs could be used for everything from a weapon (if you put a tennis ball in the end and swung it hard enough), to guarantee getting you the D. “You’re lucky I pack for all occasions. Thigh high on me, prob knee high on you.” she snatched them back when Dex went to take them, joking. “Deets for payment.”

“You’re worse than any hockey bro you know that?”

 Cait raised her eyebrows, really hoping that after all their time together he was not about to pull a ‘girl’s shouldn’t be like this’ on her, “Should I not be?”

“No.” Dex admitted apologetically. “You have more emotional depth than us dumb boys so at least you won’t be gross about it.”

 Cait handed him the socks, poking him in the shoulder. “Dumbs boys and one dumb not really a boy.”

“That doesn’t get you more deets.”

 Cait laughed, smile broadening when she saw Chris poking his darling head around the door.

“What’s the joke?” He asked, coming in and dumbing his huge goalie self on her lap, Cait considering dumping him onto the floor for a moment before wrapping her arms around him.

“How strong are you to hold his heavy ass up?” Dex asked her around Chris’ shoulder.

“It’s called muscles Dex.” Chis chirped.

“Remind you of that next time I score on you.”

“You wish!”

“Dex has promised me deets.” Cait grinned.

“Deets of what? Deet’s of..oh deets. Ohhhh. Ooooh. Why is Cait getting deets?” he looked down at the socks Dex was holding. “Why do you have her...oh…” he glanced up at Dex. “Are you wearing them out?”

“I’m not- we’re not going out. Tonight.”

 Chris’ grin was more of a leer than a smile, waggling his eyebrows at Dex, “Lucky Nursey.”

 Dex looked between both of them before getting up with a put upon groan. “I’m going now goodbye you terrible fucking people.”

“You love me really!” Chris declared, sweet and open and honest and not teasing at all, confident in their friendship. Dex paused in the doorway and looked at Chris with a soft expression on his face that had rarely been seen on him before he took the plunge and started being himself.

“I do.” Dex admitted easily, “You’re my best friend and I love you.”

 Chris gasped, the sound making Cait’s heart melt because she knew that sound and the welling up of pure bright emotion in his eyes that came with it. It was obvious that this was first time Dex had been so frank in his feelings towards Chris and Cait would have hugged her boyfriend tighter if he had not leapt up to run after Dex as he took off down the corridor. “Come back you dick I want to hug you!”

 

                                                                                             _X_

 Derek’s sister had called him from Mumbai which was a surprise because she should have been making her way home from Sudan after having spent four months doing cataract operations for Sightsavers in East Africa. After he ran outside to hear her better over the slightly faint line she explained that she had extended her contract and was headed out to Bangladesh for another two months, stopping off to visit their grandparents on the way.

“I promise I will be back for summer. I promise you _bhai_. No extensions, no other foundations. I will be back. I miss you so much.”

“I really hope you can get back, I miss you. There's so much stuff I gotta tell you, and I uh...I want you to meet someone.”

“Someone?”

“Someone special. I’m in love.”

 Derek felt Roxana’s toothy smile from the other side of the world. “Then I really will be back. And bring wedding gold with me.”

“Don’t you dare! Nanni will ask questions.” In truth Derek would not have minded if she brought back a whole box full of golden jewellery to drape over Dex, extra decoration for the flecks of gold he already had sprinkled over his skin, amber eyes reflecting the bright metal while he stood there beautiful and glorious and genderless. And probably with a pissy expression at having fourteen thousand dollars worth of gold dumped on him but too polite to protest.

 He had been so distracted by Roxana’s latest tales from the far distant places of the world that he only noticed Ransom and Holster had joined him on the grass when he hung up. Derek glanced up at their grinning faces - different and yet not changed at all in the year since they had graduated - and felt his fight or flight response perk up. He knew them well enough not to trust those faces.

“Can I help you gentlemen?”

“Oh no, we’re good, we’re fine.” Ransom said like he knew all the secrets in the world

“We’re great.” Holster grinned, eyes bright, and Derek glanced between them as he seriously considered running away. “We just saw Dexy.” He leered and Derek felt his cheeks heat.

“Ok.”

“Sex-ey Dex-ey.” Holster sing-songed while Ransom slung an arm around Derek’s shoulders.

“We are, of course, deeply upset that you don’t wanna hang with us but we get it bro. We’ll get you next time.”

“D-man night out in Boston.”

“Uuuhhh.”

“Yeaaah Nurseeeeyyy! We ain’t mad we came all the way here not to hang with our froggie D-men, all we ask…”

“...and it isn’t much…”

“...is enough visibly hickey’s tomorrow to chirp you guys about.”

 Derek shot them a look. “How do you know we’re not staying in to just have some gross, fine-able us time?”

 Ransom and Holster looked at one another and stifled their laughter badly. “Oh Nursey Nursey Nursey.”

“Oh Nursey!”

“You will see.” Holster said sagely, shoving him towards the house.

 Yeah, okay, even if it wasn’t a statement of intent from Dex everyone knew what was going to go down as soon as they saw the tempting expanse of freckled thigh between knee high socks and the lace hem of those booty shorts Derek had brought him because honestly, he was only a mortal man. And that was even before Derek got started on that loose crop top he wore, sat at the island eating a carrot stick while laughing at something Bitty was saying, long bangs tucked behind his ear.

 _Mashallah_ but Dex looked so Good™ hot fucking DAM.

 He was pleased with his restraint, it was over an hour after the Uber had driven off with all their pre-drunk friends before Derek was carefully lowering Dex down onto the comforter, taking his not inconsiderable weight (he was slender but he still played Hockey) with a hand securely on his back.

 He immediately shoved his face into Dex’s soft inner thigh, nipping at the skin before turning to the other one and sucking a hickey as high up as he could, fingers digging into his other leg while Dex gasped and moaned as his fingers yanked at the back of Derek’s tank.

“Off!” He demanded and Derek obeyed, throwing his top and shorts into the corners of the room without a care, swooping in to nip kisses up Dex’s chest when he pulled crop top off, nuzzling into Dex’s collarbone as blunt nails scratched lightly over his back, making him shudder.

“This isn’t how I planned this evening to go at all.” Derek muttered as he kissed the spot behind Dex’s ear.

“What did you plan?”

“Slow, tender, prob make out on the couch for a good while before we lost clothes.”

 Fingertips brushed over Derek’s cheeks and he turned his face into the touch, skimming his hands down Dex’s sides to press his palms into the high waistband of his shorts. “Next time.” Dex promised and Derek groaned.

 Dex arched up off the bed to let Derek pull his shorts off, the move so unexpectedly sinuous Derek had to run his hand along his body, dick twitching as Dex did it again, knowing smirk pulling at his wide mouth.

“You’re trouble.” Derek informed him not for the first time and Dex shrugged.

 It was confirmed that Dex was indeed trouble when he leant up on his elbows and held out a leg with as much imperiousness as a kid from Maine could muster (which was quite a lot actually) pointing his toes so every line and curve of his long leg was exaggerated. Derek had to sit back to take a moment, looking over every perfect inch of his love, placing a gentle hand on his stomach when he caught the nervousness in Dex’s golden eyes.

“ _Habib alby_ …” He soothed, pitching forward to kiss Dex sweetly. “I’ll only do what you want me to do, and whatever we do I’ll make it good you know I will. “

“I know you will. I want it to be good for you too.”

 Derek nuzzled in for another kiss, sliding a hand over Dex’s side to rest on his hip, thumb brushing the hot skin just under the band of his briefs. “It will be baby, if it’s good for you it’s good for me.”

 Derek ran his fingers over the soft, soft skin of Dex's thigh until they hit fabric, Derek glancing up at him as he ran his thumb over the thin red line where the elastic had dug in. He held Dex’s hot gaze as he grazed his teeth over the slight dip, smiling against his skin when Dex flopped back into the pillows with a choked noise, leaving the weight of his leg in Derek’s hands.

 He kissed every inch of skin revealed as he slowly rolled the sock down, the freckles darker and more abundant from exposure to the sun, holding Dex's slim ankle in his hand as he slowly pulled the sock off before pressing his lips to the arch of his foot. He did not have a foot thing, but Dex’s feet were - to borrow a Victorian phrase- well made; toes no longer than the big one, not fucked up by skates, the arch curving elegantly from his heel to the ball of his foot, pale and soft and smattered in freckles. And the varnish on his neat toenails always made Derek’s pulse pick up, letting himself imagine what they would look like curling into crisp sheets because of him.

 The other sock came off in much the same way, Derek pausing to tickle at Dex’s foot to make him laugh and squirm, catching his other ankle when he flailed out, holding them tightly as he looked down at Dex’s smiling face, hair bright and warm against the crisp white pillow as the shadows thrown by the bedside lamp dipped into his dimple. “You gonna suck my toes?”

 Derek sighed. “You’re a dick.” He dropped Dex’s feet and crawled up his body, Dex’s thighs falling open easily to let him slot their bodies together. Derek made a pleased noise in his throat when his dick nudged Dex’s hip, golden lashes fluttering over amber eyes. “ _Ya Amar_.” Derek whispered, tracing his fingers over Dex’s throat. “ _Hayet albi enta_.”

Dex’s fingers slotted between his ribs, hooking a leg over Derek’s hip as he muttered. “You could be saying anything, whispering arabic sweetly to me won’t work.” Before kissing Derek open mouthed and dirty, one arm slung over his shoulders, Derek moaning into Dex’s sweet mouth when he grabbed his ass hard.

 They got their underwear off while still kissing, fingers trailing everywhere they could reach while Derek nipped at Dex’s lips and Dex ground up against him, moaning into one another's mouths. Derek slipped his hand under Dex ass and hiked him up slightly, pulling back enough to look down at Dex’s face when he skimmed his fingers between his cheeks. Dex swore and flailed towards the further pillow, sticking his hand under it and coming out with a bottle of lube and a condom. Derek raised an eyebrow at him silently but took the lube, drizzling some over his fingers before reaching back to dip them in further.

 His finger slipped in with more ease than he expected, covering Dex in kisses as they worked up to two, then to three fingers, then back down to two when the stretch was too much, Derek idly sucking his dick until three were demanded again.

 Dex was making these small noises as he grabbed at Derek’s shoulders, alternating between throwing his head back into the pillows and panting hot breaths into Derek’s neck. “Fuck Nursey, shit. Oh god. I...oh shit.”

“I wish we’d had a week of this.” Derek admitted against his cheek. “Just us and the sea, you gone wild, a beautiful red dream running barefoot over the sand.”

“Derek.” Dex whined, arching on Derek’s fingers, muscles clamping down hard as he shuddered and Derek almost lost his breath at how amazing he felt. “Oh shit, stop, stop I’m gonna come.”

 Derek stopped, he always would when Dex asked, sitting back but did not remove his fingers. “I won’t be disappointed if you did. Fuck, I’d love it if you did, you’re so lovely when you come.”

 Dex made a little broken noise, digging his heels into the middle of Derek’s back. “I want your dick.”

“You sure?” Derek breathed, brushing his lips over the delicate bump of Dex’s ankle as he crooked his fingers right into his prostate.

“Fuuuck.” Dex bit out, pressing his head back into the pillow so he could look up at Derek with his heavy lidded eyes, flush high on his cheekbones. “Yes, I’m sure Derek.”

 His name falling from Dex’s bruised lips like that made it sound like it was the most beautiful word in the world, like the most exquisite poetry, and he ducked down to scrape his teeth over one of Dex’s nipples, pressing his hand into Dex’s flank harder just to feel the tremble that ran through him.

 Derek shuffled down the huge bed, pressing Dex’s leg up as he leant in to suck at the pink ring of his hole. “Oh god.” Dex cried out, hands shooting out to grab Nursey by the hair before he remembered himself, letting go to smooth over the back of his head. “Sorry.” He panted, gasping when Derek licked around his fingers, amber eyes watching him as he ran his lips up the softness of his thigh to press a kiss to the inside of his knee.

 Dex’s hands were shaking as he ripped open the condom and Derek caught them up in his, looking him in the eyes to try and see if it was just adrenaline, nerves, or something else but Dex just smiled at him. “I’m not scared, I want this, and I trust you.”

 Derek cupped his face in his hands and kissed him. “I love you.”

 “I love you too.”

 Dex rolled the condom on him with fumbling fingers, Derek lubing himself up as he watched Dex hurry off into the en-suite to grab a towel, laying it over a cushion and settling back down onto the bed, flipping the pillow over so the cool side was against his neck.

 Derek had done everything to make Dex comfortable last time, had been slow and gentle when he had pushed in but it had not been gentle enough, a sudden spike of nerves making his dick flag sightly so he had to quickly jerk himself to get back to full hardness again. “We’ll do great.” Dex reassured everyone in the room, wrapping his strong thighs around Derek’s hips and breathing deeply.

 Dex was tight and hot around him when Derek pushed in, hanging his head between his shoulders as he breathed through how amazing he felt. He pushed then paused, pushed then paused, pulled out to crook his fingers inside Dex to rub against his prostate until he squirmed, grazing his teeth over Dex’s adam's apple to feel the vibrations of the low, luxurious noise he was making as he rocked back against Derek’s dick.

 Then suddenly he was in, feeling himself tremble with effort of staying still as Dex clenching and shifting around him, his legs tight around Derek’s waist as he lay there blinking up at Derek looking so, so beautiful. He had been inside Dex before but that had been nothing like this, the small smile on his face and the pleased, breathless noises he was making as he adjusted making the world of difference.

 Derek kissed him softly, letting Dex gasp into his mouth as the movement shifted his dick inside him, rubbing their noses together as Dex brushed his fingers over the short hair on the back of Derek’s head. “You can move now.”

 He rocked into Dex with slow, smooth strokes, one hand gripping a quivering thigh to press it against his ribs, his whole world the feel of Dex tight around him, Dex touching him, kissing him and moaning into his ear, nails raking up and down Derek’s back in a way that was making it really hard for him not to come.

 They did not last all that long, Dex shaking apart under him as Derek got a hand on his dick and Derek was always overwhelmed by his partner's pleasure.

“I don’t...that was amazing. You’re amazing.” Derek panted into Dex’s ear, holding himself up on one arm as he was yet to wipe Dex’s come off his hand. “You’re beautiful, you’re so gorgeous, I always knew you’d be so much nicer to touch. Fuck. I wanted you in the worst way when you were a grumpy, difficult boy in stinky hockey gear with a black eye.”

 Dex brushed his nose over Derek’s cheek, taking a moment to breath before he took Derek’s dirty hand and pressed it against his own stomach where the rest of his come lay, the action so unexpectedly filthy Derek moaned, hips rocking his slowly softening dick into Dex and making them both groan, Dex digging his nails into Derek’s tattoo. “I’ll bring my pads back to the Haus for you to fuck me in shall I?”

“Don’t even play babe ” Dex laughed, still flushed all the way own to his navel and bright eyed, long hair a sweaty mess and Derek began psyching himself for the moment he would have to untangle himself from the snug warmth of Dex’s wonderful body and corral them both into the shower.

“I’m not. If you ask nicely.”

 

                                                                                               _X_

 It was dark outside, the night pressing against the windows so you had to get right up close to see the faint reflection of the sea as the tide crept in with inevitable steadiness.

 Will stretched out his heavy and agreeably achy body and tucked himself closer into Nursey’s side, resting his hand on a solid thigh as he tilted his head up for chocolatey kiss that lingered, a large hand coming up to cup his face as his hand moved higher up Nursey’s thigh.

 This was new for him, hanging out after sex. It seemed like an unwritten rule that you napped, washed, and then got on with your life, you didn’t sit watching TV, eat pie and make out. Maybe that was because with Jess they had been snatching moments around family and school and the ever watchful eyes of their small town. This was luxurious, Will thought, sinking further into Nursey as his soft tongue slipped into his mouth, arching into the hand running down his back to brush over his pleasantly sore ass. He could get off again, the thought, blushing at the unbidden image of Nursey bending him over and eating him out.

 Will moved to press kisses over Nursey’s jaw as he moved his hand to the safer territory of his knee, smiling when Nursey pulled back to look at him, thumb brushing over Will’s cheek. “You’re killin’ me Will, shit.” He muttered, pressing a quick kiss to Will’s nose.

“That’d be a shame, you’re so beautiful.” Will murmured, watching the faint flush gather on Nursey’s perfect cheekbones before turning to take another spoonful of still warm pie, grinning when he shoved it in his own mouth rather than feed it to Nursey.

“Dick.” He muttered, reaching out for his own bite as they both turned their attention back to the TV. Planet Earth 2 was on and these baby Iguanas were the bomb!

 There was a crash, some thumps and a bang as the door swung open. “...but seriously bro that potted plant did not des- MY DUDES!” Shitty bellowed, standing just inside the doorway with his arms spread out so only Lardo and Bitty could trip past him, everyone looking bleary eyed and sweaty and happy, bringing the smell of booze and bars in with them.

 Will looked over with a spoon in his mouth, feeling a little guilty that he had been caught eating half a pie but also not because he had just baked it. Chocolate and Walnut was Nursey’s favourite and Will knew how to treat his boyfriend right. “Hey guys, have a good one? Ohhh C man you tipsy bro?” Nursey said as he watched Chris walk straight into Shitty’s back and bump him further into the house so everyone else could get past him.

“Very very good one. As you will see from the fact that our boys Ollie and Whiskey are both missing that it’s gonna be an even better one for them.” Ransom explained with a big drunk smile on his face, holding out his hand for a fistbump and Holster gave him one without looking, too busy narrowing his eyes at where Will was curled into Nursey’s side on the couch.

“How was y’all’s evenin’?” Bitty asked, tottering over to them and sitting on the floor in front of Will and Nursey with a fork to help himself to a few bites of pie.

“Good, we’ve been watching BBC nature doc’s.”

“I want Richard Attenborough to adopt me.” Nursey stated, eyes sparkling when he turned to look down at Will who let out a giddy laugh, still feeling a little languid and merry from the, if he was perfectly honest, best sex he had ever had.

“That’s all you been doing?” Holster asked, booze slowing him down enough that he still had not worked out if they fucked or not.

“Eaten pie, put our PJ’s on, made out. What did you do?”

“Nah ah ah!” Chris said a little too loudly. “Avoidance.”

“Upheld!” Shitty yelled from where he was listing on the Island next to Lardo.

“Stuff.” Will shrugged, turning back to the pie.

“Are you guys seriously telling me you bailed on a R&H approved night out to actually be….” Ransoms’ face twitched in horror, “...domestic? Brah.”

 Nursey curled his arm further around Will’s waist. He had barely stopped touching him since they had stepped out of the shower, making sure he was comfortable, was not hurt, had drunk enough, all gentle and quietly caring and Will had never felt so in love and content in his life.

“Ahhhhh Nurseeeeey!” Chris drawled, stumbling over to lean on the back of the couch. “Did you like those thigh highs brah? Guaranteed leg man killa.”

“Fuck off C!” Nursey protested, and a scuffle would have started if Will had not put his hand on Chris’ chest and pushed him back, really not in the mood to be wrestled on top of right now.

“Go to bed.” He said firmly, relenting a little when Chris smiled gently at him.

“Can we Frog-pile instead? I love you guys.”

“You can watch TV with us.”

“S’aaaawesome.” Chris sang, climbing over the back of the couch to flop down against Will’s legs, resting his head on his thigh as Cait came to curl around him, make up still perfect, reaching out to run a hand up and down Will’s arm before sinking into the cushions.

Lardo gathered all the leftovers and the cookie jar for a midnight feast as everyone settled into the den, making Nursey rewind the TV so they could get emotionally invested into Iguanas as well.

 

                                                                                           _X_ 

 Will woke up to a warm bed that he felt like he had sunk into the depths of, the room bathed in gentle light as the sun shone through the curtains, air cool but not unpleasant against the skin of his shoulder. He turned his head into his pillow, huffing out a long breath as he tried to sink back into sleep. It was then he realised there was a gentle pressure on his lower back.

 He lifted his head and peered at the door to the en-suite that was half open before looking the other way and rolled over onto his back, the pressure slipping over his side to rest on his stomach, to smile sleepily up at Nursey who looked...so good. His grey eyes were so soft and gentle as he looked down at him, a lovely smile tugging at his lovely lips and Will felt himself flush.

“Morning babe.” Nursey said quietly, leaning down to brush a kiss to his lips before sitting back and a tray balanced on his lap that Will blinked at a moment before realising what it was.

“Breakfast in bed!”

“It’s egg in the basket and cereal don’t worry.” Nursey assured, watching as Will pulled himself upright.

“Thank you, D.” Will smiled, patting the bed so Nursey would come and sit next to him, taking the piece of toast Will handed to him without argument. “How are the guys?” He asked around a mouthful of cereal, rubbing some sleep from his eyes as he looked at Nursey who was just not quitting that hot as fuck soft by look this morning.

“Suffering.” He said with an amused look on his face. “Whiskey was drinking coffee looking fresh as a daisy sat next to very hungover Chris.” He became suddenly serious. “We’ll need a bucket for the drive back, no-one is hurling in my car.”

 

 Leaving early in the morning would have been best to avoid the backup of traffic as people flooded out of Rhode Island and back to their everyday lives, in fact the best guarantee to avoid traffic would have been to leave the night before but whatever, not like they had anywhere to be.

 Bitty was annoyingly perky for someone who had been as tipsy as he had been the night before, but that may have been due to the fact he was currently getting everyone to fill every vehicle with water and the muffins he had magicked out of fucking nowhere for the drive back.

 Will had gone down to the beach one more time, the tide just beginning to ebb away down the sand again and leaving bits of seaweed and debris it’s wake. He picked up another interesting looking bit of driftwood for the collection Lardo had built up over the week, found another weird looking shell for Whiskey to give Tango, and went to the shingled patch near the house to pick up a pebble. He did not know why but he had always picked one up at every beach he went too, even as a kid. This one he had chosen at random was light red with flecks of another yellow stone embedded in its smooth surface.

 He shoved it in his pocket, hand absentmindedly trailing down to press at the hickey on the inside of his thigh, toes curling into the sand at the faint zing of pain before heading back, slipping on his plimsolls when he got to the tarmac of the driveway.

 Ransom and Holster had waited for him before they made a move, the two of them going around squishing everyone between them in a joint-hug as a very hungover Shitty (Harvard mixers had ruined him) steeled himself for movement as he got up to hug Will and Nursey goodbye, getting a little emotional. “My froggies, you annoying little fuckers. I’m so happy for you.” Will let himself be dragged into a weak headlock. “And I’m proud of you Poindexter, my genderless butt nugget. Your sense of self gives me LIFE. Now excuse me while I continue to die and re-hydrate like a motherfucker.”

 Shitty sat quietly in the back as Ransom and Holster began yelling and waved wildly at everyone as they careered backwards onto the quiet road and zoomed off to drop Shitty off at Harvard on the way back to Boston. 

 Lardo was pleased with her driftwood and Whiskey blushed at the shell for Tango which was weird, but Will was in no way interested in the Taddie’s weird ass love lives so let it go. Whiskey and Tango could come to him if they needed advice.

 Bitty clambered into the back of Nursey’s car when Lardo’s fully loaded van was out of sight, settling in to text Ollie that they were coming to pick him up and, obviously, Jack, as Nursey turned to follow Will’s gaze towards the house.

“I can’t believe we fucked in your Uncle’s bed.” Will muttered.

“It’ll be our bed one day. Well, our room.”

 Will raised an eyebrow behind the Chanel sunglasses Nursey’s auntie was apparently okay with him having which was… they were three hundred bucks! “You gonna buy me this house one day Derek?”

“Yep.” He said simply, squeezing Will’s hand, “Ya wanna know why?”

 Will squeezed his hand back and sighed. “It’s gonna be poetry isn’t it?”

“I had a hand full of nickels that missed, bounced back, fell short of the well whenever I tried to make a wish for something to plug up the hole in my chest and then you, one rainy day, showed me how to flip those nickels in with ease, and that was the day I no longer needed the wishing well because you were right there, you are right here, more than anything I could have wished for.”

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Habib alby - Love of my heart (awww)  
> Ya Amar - Most Beautiful (Lit -My Moon)  
> Hayet alby enta - You are the life of my heart


End file.
